Dear Santa Claus,
We don’t usually write to you since we usually just get gifts for each other. However, we have a little problem that we’ve been neglecting for a while, and we feel that by now the the Envelope of Inconvenience has not only been pushed, but savagely torn apart by the Insubordinate Canine of Intense Annoyance. So Santa, if you would be so kind as to take the Rolled Up Newspaper of Christmas Miracles and lightly smack that Insubordinate Canine in the snout shouting “Bad Dog!”, by George, we’d be Grateful as The Dead.
You see Santa, we don’t have any furniture. There’s plenty of room for it in this big, Tumblr-Dashboard-Blue house of ours, but we can’t afford it. When we got this house, we figured it wouldn’t be too big a deal. We’d get used to sitting on the floor, go out to eat every evening and answer questions from the internet. easy-peasy. That worked out for a while, but soon enough we spent all our money on fast food and impulse-bought CDs. At that point it truly dawned upon us how little we actually had. We eat at Monday Shark’s house now. We try not to go unless we’re really hungry. He says he doesn’t mind, but we don’t want to suck him dry. Pooping in the backyard is also really awkward. So, if it isn’t too much trouble, Santa, please give us some furniture. A toilet, a Bunk Bed, a Love Seat and a Refrigerator at the very least.
P.S. Make sure the Fridge is full of food.